Okay, I'm sure you're all aware that the newsis telling us that we are going to die in six months of pig flu, thanks to Mexico.

Let me assure you of why this is utter bullshit.

1. Mexico is quite a depraved country. Their medical system is shit and they all eat nachos and fajitas and shit like that. Their combined lack of general good health and lack of medical supplies guarantees that they are up shit-creek, hence why a few of them are dead.

2. The USA tend to panic at the first sign of any disease, so ignore them lot.

3. The UK has a handful of cases. Nobody has died yet and the original two cases are GETTING BETTER. Both have been released from hospital and ALLOWED TO GO HOME.

4. Last year we were all going to die of Bird Flu. The year before that, Foot-and-Mouth "could have transferred from cattle". Prior to that we were destined to all come down with CJD. Before that, Meningtis was going to kill us. Before that was Terburculosis.

Are you seeing a pattern emerging here?

So, World, chill the fuck out!